Assalamualaikum and 안녕 fellas! Yeah it almost two weeks after SPM's results has been announced. So, how's your result? Gempak ke? Atau hanya cukup-cukup minum? Semua tu Allah dah tentukan. Please be grateful okay? (talking to myself) Okay, I want to share a story about SPM and school. It's a little bit late huh? But I still want to share hihihi. When d-day has come, I really had sweaty palms. Was I nervous? Naturally. Pressured? Tremendously. The moment of truth, and success lies on a piece of paper; the Sijil Pelajaran Malaysia (SPM) results.

For me, I didn't put any high hope to get straight A's or get flying colors in spm. YEAH THAT'S ME.
Last minutes study for spm? You think it'll work? No guys. Tbh, I feel regret because I didn't study hard for my spm. Banyak sangat main-main. Not main-main actually but more to chit-chat when teacher are teaching infront especially when physics. Bila aku chit-chat dengan kawan je mesti cikgu tegur aku dulu, "Hafizatul, buat apa tu?" Then, mulalah terkial-kial cari part mana yang cikgu tengah ajar. Biology is the one and only subject yang buat mata aku akan tertutup dengan sendirinya bila cikgu tengah mengajar kat depan. Bila dah tak boleh nak tahan so I'll cover up my face with book or my hands. Adalah terlelap sikit (it's consider as sleep in the class?) tapi aku still dengar okay! And, I love biology.

For chemistry, that is my favourite subject after maths when I was in form 4. Seriously! And that time aku pernah letakkan cita-cita nak jadi chemical engineering. But in form 5 hmmmmmm (I don't know what should I say). And at last, I got D in my spm. Yes, its disappointing me because I want to get at least a credit for this subject. When I was in form 4, I really love this subject and I learn every chapter by myself before our teacher taught us. I only got B and above in my exam. But in my form 5, hmmmmmmmmmm (still hmmm again) I only got C for my test, and for the first sem exam I got D. Makin lama makin merosot subjek chemist aku and I'm like TT. Actually all of this thing happened because I don't understand a few chapters in chemistry form 5 and then somehow I feel lose interested with this subject. Lepas tu aku memang dah tak pay attention dengan apa yang cikgu ajar. Dengan rasa malasnya tu lagi. Yes, malas. Malas to revise the chapter. Malas to do homework. Please don't ever be a lazy student. You'll feel regret someday. Dengan malas tulah aku failed chemistry on my trial spm. My chemistry teacher's said, "Izzah kenapa ni? Dulu awak selalu consistent masa form 4. Takpe, awak buat betul-betul untuk real spm nanti."

So after that I start to cover all form 5 chapters. It's really hard. To understand everything in a short time. But I'm still trying. I try to complete my workbook but sometimes I still feel malas. Plus, I do trial spm from other states and sbp's. Okay, chemistry is the last paper for science stream students and penyakit last paper pun datang iaitu malas nak study. For my last paper, I have a gap in sitting my exam between biology (2nd last paper) and chemistry (last paper). Tapi dalam masa tu aku tak fokuskan langsung form 5 chapters. Hmmm. A day before I sit for the paper, my mom asking to help her cook for dinner. And I said that I'm busy. Then I study but I don't get anything. Seriously. At last aku tertidur sampai esok. Dalam pukul 4:30 am tu baru aku study balik and ada lah dapat sikit. And I realized busy mana pun kau, bila mak mintak tolong tu just tolonglah sebab redha Allah terletak pada redha kedua ibu bapa. Pagi tu memang ummi yang hantar pergi sekolah sebab kan school holiday dah. Sebelum masuk sekolah tu memang aku mintak maaf kat ummi. Ummi said, "Jawab paper baik-baik. Ummi sayang kaklong." Yes, I do the best for chemistry paper but Allah's the best planner right?

Okay I had fill my upu form and aku tak pilih mana-mana program sains kesihatan. Bukannya tak nak pilih but almost all health science programme required credit in chemistry. Ada tu ada tapi aku tak minat program because the programme are too specific so aku decided untuk pilih programme yang more open untuk ambil degree nanti. Tbh, I'm still thinking about my future. Growing up make me realize that I'll going through the real world. Meet with all the different peoples but at the end I must walk alone by myself. Doakan aku supaya jadi manusia berguna dunia dan akhirat. Amin.

Lonely Night

Tuesday 28 February 2017 • 12:04 • 0 comments

In the lonely night, I can't sleep because of you.

Another one of my sleepless night, I must endure it once more.

I keep thinking about you.

I'm fuckin' wait for you and what? You just left me. Stupid me because I fall for you.

Am I too easy for you?

You know what?

Everyday I keep waiting for you

So I can tell that 'I love you'.

When new morning comes,

I'm still lying in the bed because I lost in my daydream again.

Can I make that dream become reality?

You and me.

Become real? With our memories that you left behind...

But why...

You left me?

You make me want to blame you.

You make me hate you.

You're such a coward person.

If you're really don't want me live in your life, just tell!

It is so hard to tell?

At least I know that you'll leave me.

So I'll not keep waiting for you.

You know what?

Its hard. Really hard.

You're like hurting me twice.

I always do the right things to keep you.

But you...

Still leaving me.

And I...

Still live in the lonely night.

inspired by- lonely night; taeyeon

First time listening taeyeon's first album (The voice) and its so freaking good! I'm not fine hmmm bcs i really love the vibe and the songs!

I Miss You

Tuesday 14 February 2017 • 11:08 • 0 comments

I have something to tell you. 

"What?" "I miss you... so much."

He kept said the same thing until I know that he is leaving me alone. Here. Alone. He said that's the best thing he can do for our relationship. He just left me behind without looking back.

I always trying to overcome my sadness and said to myself that I'm strong. Although, I'm not so strong enough.

Everyday, I keep wondering; 

'Why he'd left me?'

'Am I not good enough?'

'Is he'd changed his heart?'

'Should I keep waiting for him?'

"I don't understand." Words that will always just be words. But I never give up. I still send him thousands messages, I still call him although I know no one will answering my calls.

'If this takes you a step further away from me, All I have to do is take a step closer, isn’t it?'

One day, he answered my call, "Girl, are you really desperate? Don't ever call me again!" "Please just stay by my side, please remain here," I begged. But he turn off the calls.

"He'd changed." An unbearable sadness comes. My tears keep coming. The person who deeply stuck in my heart has been hurting me. Yes I hate you, you left me.

Every time I try to moving on, all the moments and lovely memories keep comes. Its really hard.

I deleted all our pictures, messages and his number. But I can't erased the memories.

---

"I miss you... so much," he's crying alone by himself. He cries.

'In the countless nights I spent resenting you, it feels like I'm in the prison.' I'm suffering.

'Just having you in my arms, make me really happy.'

'But we're to different.'

'We aren't able to embrace each other's wounds.'

'I'm the coward one.'

'I just don't want to see you... hurts because of me again.'

'I'll leave her one day.' That's the reason why I choose to left her.

---------------------------------------------------

It's been half a year since he left me. Without knowing any reason. I start my new life without him. I keep fussing myself with many things so I don't have time to think about him.

Everything changes.

---

Me and you, us when we're together. 

'I always see her from far away.' 

'I saw her laugh and her beautiful smile.' 

When, he looked me at that moment, he feel hurts. 

'She's really happy without me.' But that's the moment that he'd waiting for a long time.

Tomorrow is her birthday. 

'Can I spend a little time with her?'

'But I don't want to meet her like this.'

---

The one who I think first,

'Will he wish me for my birthday?'

'Is he still remember my birthday?'

Nothing. I don't even receive a message from him. No wish. No present. No surprised from him.

'He'd forgotten me.'

-----------------------------------------------------

It's been 3 years. He's disappeared. His face repeatedly appears in my thoughts.

'I'm getting married, so stop thinking about that person.'

My wedding. It was supposed to be our wedding, what we dreamed of but this moment...

'I opened my heart for someone else.'

Someone has coming to my wedding. The person that I know. His sister.

'Why she's coming? Did I invited her?'

His sister approached, "Congratulations for both of you."

His sister want to talk with me in private. "This is the precious gift from my brother, and this is a letter for you." "But, where's him?' I asked. "He'd left us, bye sorry I must go right now." "But, wait!"

She just go. She doesn't heard my calls or just pretending that she not heard my calls.

In my room, silence. 

'He even left his family?'

'Should I read?'

I decided to open the letter;

"For my precious girl in the world, today is your 25th birthday right? Happy birthday my little girl. The same day with your wedding right? You had promise that you will getting married in your 25th birthday. If not with me, with someone else. That's your promise. I’m here to see your smile and to congratulate you. I hope you marrying the best guy in the world like me. :P I still remember your words, you and me, us when we're together. Sorry I didn't meant to hurt you. There hasn’t been a day that I have forgotten you. Honestly, I miss you... so much. You call not long ago, and I said "you're desperate." I heard you trembling and crying. I acted like I was fine. But my heart hurt so bad... With my lonely and uneasy heart, my heart still waiting for you. Everyday. Almost 7 years, we share the moments, its not easy to act fine, like nothing happen between us. If you're really married today, you can live without me. I'm happy for you. My little girl, I'm sorry because always make you crying. You know what, this letter I wrote in your 22nd birthday. So that gift for your 22nd birthday. But I want to give that present as in your wedding gift. I love you! I love you! I shout it for you out after staying long silence. All of the patients in this room think I'm crazy. Yes, I'm crazy, crazy of you. It's may seem weak and childish but it's my true feelings. You must really wonder where am I right? I'm far away from you even from my family. This is the reason why I decided to leave you. Because I'll leave you someday. My heart not strong enough to live with you. I'm fighting myself. Thank you for the most beautiful moment. Love you, my little girl and take care of your husband." 

I burst into tears. My clueless husband come and hugging me. "Why dear?" "Thanks for being here with me," I replied.

'I miss you... so much.'

---------------------------------------------------

End.

-fiction story that I made. Sorry for the grammatical error, I'm very bad in english. Sesaje nak berenglish day.

inspired by- spring day;bts

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Kembali

Wednesday 7 December 2016 • 04:49 • 0 comments

Assalamualaikum. Its been a while since i didn't wrote anything and make an entry. Lama gila babeng! Dah lupa cara nak tulis entry. Okay yg tu menipu. Yeay! Spm dah habis. Tinggal tunggu result je ni. Duduk rumah mereputs saje. Almaklumlah dah habis spm, cuti tak kemana-mana. Kerja pun malam je (jgn salah faham okay, kerja pack barang meniaga).

Baru seminggu cuti guys dah mereput, inikan pula tiga bulan selepas ini... Hm, ya ampun! Buku-buku plus kertas-kertas masih dalam pengemasan. Tak habis lagi aku kemas. Asyik tangguh je. Haritu aku pergi palm mall buat detox facial treatment. First time and aku rasa nervous gila. Sesaje nak manjakan kulit bukan selalu. Hahahahahaha

Apa lagi nak cerita eh? Oh ya, jumaat lepas aku tengok MAMA 2016. Yeayyyy! Bangtan dapat dua awards. Artist of the year and best dance perfomance. Congrats abangtan sonyeondan! Tak dilupakan twice (song of the year) and exo (album of the year) juga got7 (worldwide artist).

Sekarang ni aku layan kdrama je and sometimes aku tengok makeup tutorial. Dah 18 tahun depan kan? Kikikikikiki. Tapi perangai still childish. Kdrama baru Weightlifting Fairy Kim Bok-Joo, The Legend of the Blue Sea and Goblin best! Really recommend! Plus, tak lama lagi cerita Hwarang pulak keluar. Taetae acting lah guys!

Actually, aku nak beli handphone baru sebab handphone lama dah gila. Tapi duit masih on-the-way dikumpulkan. InshaAllah tahun depan dah boleh beli.

Okaylah tu je. Kbye, muahked! (sayatakgediksayabudakbaikje)